New Krypton: Somebody Save...This Show

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Somebody Save...This Show

Well, the long-awaited and already overexposed Season 9 of Smallville premiers on September 25, superfriends. Should we be excited? I'm not sure. Clark has a new outfit, sure, but will that really be enough to convince viewers to hang in there for another season of "maybe he'll finally fly" letdowns and lame, soap-opera style performances from Welling and his crew? Do we really need to see characters look intently into one another's eyes for a full 30 seconds before each commercial break? No, we do not. Do we really need schmaltzy, piano-band background music to play every time Lana / Chloe / Lois and Clark have one of their soul-crushingly boring "heart-to-heart" chats? No, we do not. I don't know about you, superfreaks, but I'm getting pretty tired of waiting for this show to grow up and be cool instead of growth-stuntingly lame. Let Clark fly, already! I understand that Gough and Millar wanted to conceptualize a Clark Kent who develops his powers gradually (like an incredibly long period of puberty), but WE'RE INTO THE NINTH YEAR NOW. Practically everyone else on the show besides Clark can fly: Kara, J'onn Jonz, Brainiac, Zod, and Jor-El have all levitated off the ground repeatedly. At this rate, I think Martha Kent will learn to fly before Kal-El catches on! And yes, I know that he's "jumped" for long distances and "flown" while under the influence of black kryptonite or some form of Kryptonian amnesia, but that's just not going to cut it for me. Superman can fly. It's high time the lamewads over at Smallville own up to the fact that their "gimmick" has gone too far and impeded the show's ability to accurately portray the character. Get over yourselves, dudes.

Oh, and I HATE Kristin Kreuk (the actress who plays Lana Lang), so I should qualify the above tirade with the comment that phasing out Lana in Season 7 was the smartest decision the show has made to date. But please, no more cameos this season. No one likes her. Really.

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Kal-El / Clark J. Kent

Superman is a Kryptonian superhero and protector of Metropolis. His actual Kryptonian name is Kal-El, but on Earth he goes by his human name of Clark Kent. He has a number of extraordinary superpowers and abilities far beyond those of normal humans. His powers stem mainly from exposure to Earth's yellow sun, which causes the Photonucleic Effect on Kryptonians.

He was originally rocketed to Earth by his Kryptonian parents, Jor-El and Lara Lor-Van, to avoid the planet's destruction. On earth, he was raised by the human couple, Jonathan and Martha Kent. They raised him as a good and caring person, inspiring him to grow up and use his powers to help people.

Clark Kent works as a reporter for the Daily Planet, using his position at the newspaper to keep him aware of disasters as they happen.

Powers & Abilities

Super Strength:
Depending on the era and incarnation of Superman, his strength can range anywhere from the ability to move tremendous objects like tectonic plates to the power to shift entire planets in and out of their orbits. His strength is so great that it has never been accurately measured on Earth.

Invulnerability:
Superman's body is nigh-invulnerable, unless he's attacked with Kryptonite or some form of magical power. He has taken a blast equivalent to a million nuclear war heads point blank and remained conscious, and he has entered the Sun and emerged completely unharmed. In addition, his immune system protects him from all toxins and diseases. The most common explanations for his invulnerability are his super-dense molecular structure and/or a supercharged bio electric "aura" which acts as an invisible "force field" around his body within a few millimeters from his skin, and presumably within his body as well. The proximity of this field to his skin means that loose clothes, for example, may be burned off of him, while cloth that is close to his body is protected by the "aura," which explains why he wears a skin-tight bodysuit. It is sometimes implied that he can unconsciously extend this field to an undetermined extent to protect a greater area, allowing him to carry huge objects within the Earth's atmosphere and without gravity or inertia tearing them apart around his human-sized hands.

Flight:
Under Earth's gravity, Superman is capable of flying at faster than light speeds, but he tends to fly at speeds of Mach 10 in the atmosphere. His control of his flight is perfect and he can perform aerobatic feats such as hovering, flying backwards and even lifting great weights while flying.

Super Speed:
Superman is capable of enhanced reflex action and the ability to move at incredible speeds by sheer force of will. While not nearly as fast as the Flash, Superman can move at speeds much faster than light and is one of the fastest beings in the Universe. Superman can use this power to disarm opponents with or without heightened reflexes, catch bullets or shrapnel or cross vast distances in seconds. Superman can run at the speed of 2000 miles per second (mach 9350), and he has flown from the Moon to the Earth in less than 2 minutes. Superman is so fast that he is even able to vibrate through the blows of his enemies.

Super Stamina:
Superman can maintain continuous strenuous physical action for an undefined period. Theoretically, he has unlimited stamina due to the enhanced nourishment produced from the solar energy his cells process. Like other Kryptonians, Superman does not get tired and does not need to eat or sleep. He can also hold his breath for an undefined duration.

Super Hearing:
Superman has the ability to hear any sound at any volume or pitch. He has shown enough control to block out ambient sounds to focus on a specific source/frequency. He can hear every single heartbeat, as well as the blood pumping through everyone's veins, hear every foot step, every cell phone signal as it lances through the air and more. He can identify a person by his heartbeat, or pick out a single voice in an entire world.

Heat Vision:
Superman possesses the ability to fire beams of intense heat at a target by looking at it with the conscious act of activating this power. His heat vision is so powerful that it has even been stated to rival the heat of a star. The area of effect can be consciously determined by Superman, down to the microscopic level (precise enough to perform surgical procedures).

Super Vision:
Superman also possess a superior sensory arrangement of microscopic, telescopic, infrared and ultraviolet visual capabilities. He is able to see the entire light spectrum. Specific abilities include:
Electro-magnetic Spectrum Vision
Telescopic Vision
Microscopic Vision
X-Ray Vision (except through lead)

Super Healing:
In the extreme event that Superman is harmed, either by an alien matching his own strength or other occurence, he has the ability to heal almost instantaneously from any wound, assuming that the process is not impeded from some outside factor (i.e. Kryptonite). This "healing factor" is supplemented by his stores of solar energy and also seems to be an unconscious ability, as Superman does not seem to control when he heals and when he doesn't, much like a human has no control over his immune system.

Super Breath:
Superman can create hurricane force winds by blowing and can chill his breath in order to freeze a target (this latter ability has also been called "freeze breath" and "arctic breath"). He can also inhale large amounts of air, an ability used when dispelling things like clouds of poison gas.

New Krypton

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Somebody Save...This Show

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Kal-El / Clark J. Kent

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